My dad used to tell me to shower with cold water. He always said, “You smell terrible, go shower with cold water and use the soap I gave you.” And I did it like five times a day — it was driving me nuts. My mom used to stay quiet, which was weird because we were usually very close.
One day my boyfriend, Silas, came over. I finally asked him, “Do I smell bad?”He laughed, thinking I was joking, and went to the bathroom. A moment later, he returned with a pale expression on his face, holding the soap I used to shower.“Who gave you this?! Do you shower with cold water using this?!”My blood ran cold. “Yes, why?!”He started crying: “They didn’t tell you, did they?! Honey, this ain’t soap! It’s used for–”He choked up, unable to finish his sentence.I grabbed the bar from his hand. It looked like regular soap to me. Beige, a little chalky, no scent. I had used it for years, ever since my dad brought it home after one of his “business trips.”Silas took a deep breath. “This is lye soap mixed with sulfur compounds. It’s not made for regular use. My uncle used something like this when he was treating infections in animals on the farm. It’s not for daily human use, especially not five times a day in cold water!”I felt dizzy. My skin had always been dry and itchy, but I thought that was just me. My dad said it was because I had “sensitive skin.”Silas sat me down. “Baby… this could damage your skin, your hormones… even mess with your immune system long-term if it gets absorbed too much.”I stared at him, my heart pounding. “Why would my dad do that?”Silas shook his head. “I don’t know. But this isn’t right. You need to see a doctor.”That night, everything spiraled.I confronted my mom while Dad was out. Her hands trembled as she wiped the kitchen counter over and over, not meeting my eyes.“Mom, why have you let him do this? Why?!”She finally broke. “He said it was for your own good. That you had something wrong inside you. That the special soap would help you stay healthy.”“Healthy?! Mom, this could’ve made me sick!”Tears rolled down her face. “I didn’t know what to believe. He was so convincing. And every time I questioned him, he said I was being ungrateful. That I didn’t want what was best for you.”That was the first time I realized how scared she was of him.